I am discovering what it means to be dependant on others in a number of areas, and I’m struggling with the swallowing of pride that needs to come with that.
You see, two weeks ago I fell at Parkrun and apart from some nasty grazes I also fractured a small bone in my left hand. While it is my non-dominant hand, and relatively minor I have discovered just how much I need it to be able to perform relatively simple tasks. Any kind of twisting, weight bearing or clutching has been agony as I learn my limits with this injury.
In the first few days I had difficulty washing my hair, putting on my socks, doing up buttons, carrying my handbag, driving my car, holding a cup of coffee, tying shoelaces, doing dishes and even doing up my bra. Each and every time I started by deciding to give it a go myself, despite people around me, especially my husband and my youngest son, offering to do things for me or at the very least be my left hand. And each and every time I ended up needing to accept the assistance offered after discovering that I wasn’t able to do said tasks solo.
This has caused me to reflect and ask the question … Why? Why was I so reticent to ask for and/or accept help? I had a reasonable excuse to be requiring said assistance. It couldn’t be interpreted as laziness or a failing somehow, and yet I was incredibly slow to learn from previous pain and ask for help.
I needed to undergo a mind-shift which made it acceptable to be in need of help. My pride, which was already damaged from the embarrassment of a very public fall, was obviously too important to me if it was meaning that I was choosing unnecessary pain and difficulty. I needed to be okay with accepting help, and not viewing it as a failing. I needed to re-frame my vulnerability in such a way that it allowed others to do things for me.
The fantastic book of Proverbs has many pearls of wisdom about life in general, and one of the verses about pride says: “Pride brings a person low, but the lowly in spirit gain honour. (Proverbs 29 verse 23)”. My pride was getting in my way from recovery and was also denying those who love me trying to demonstrate care in my convalescence.
It is still a struggle, but I am pleased that I am more gracious in accepting the help offered. On top of that, it is evident that my injuries are healing as I am needing the assistance less and less, although I still might need help doing those dishes for some time yet! 😉