The other day I did something that I sometimes ought to, but never do … I sent some sub-standard food back to the cafe kitchen and I am proud of the growth it demonstrates in a work area of mine I have only recently discovered!
One of the programs that I offer the residents in the jail is the Positive Lifestyle Program (PLP). It is an entry level, 8 session course that addresses Self-Awareness, Anger, Depression & Loneliness, Stress, Grief & Loss, Assertiveness, Self Esteem and then finishing with Future Directions.
While facilitating this course I have learned things about myself to do with my strengths and work areas but the most interesting discovery has been in the area of assertiveness. The course highlights that we all have rights in this world, and there are ways to express your rights that are neither a passive nor aggressive response, but assertive. Being assertive does not mean that everything will always go your way, but it is more likely to leave less damage and/or resentment to relationships.
I found myself sitting in my regular cafe ordering my usual Eggs Benedict with mushrooms and spinach, only 1 piece of toast and the hollandaise on the side. I love it when the yolk slowly oozes when sliced into. What I don’t love is when the inner white part of the egg is not quite cooked, but opaque.
More times than not the eggs are fine, bordering a little on the undercooked side, but still edible for me. On this particular morning, when I poked my knife into the top of my eggs the amount of uncooked white ran everywhere and my first instinct was to say, “I can’t eat that!”
I oscillated for some time about whether I would say anything, not wanting to offend or be a nuisance, but I kept coming back to the teaching I do with the men on assertiveness. In the end I decided that I was not demonstrating integrity if I shared with them about the importance of exercising their rights in an appropriate way if I was too scared to do it also.
So I called the waitress over, explained that I never usually do this, but on this occasion I was unable to eat the eggs as they were too raw for my liking. My heart was racing and I was extremely nervous, but I kept thinking that I have the right to be satisfied with the quality of the meal that I was paying for.
She smiled, took my plate, and returned 10mins later with a fresh breakfast where the eggs were so much better. That particular breakfast tasted amazing, but it was probably due more to how proud I felt in my significant step forward.
You see, I have always thought of myself as a Peacekeeper. I don’t want to rock the boat and make others feel less if I share a less than satisfied opinion. I also want people to think favourably of me, even complete strangers preparing my meal!
A famous quote from Jesus is recorded in Matthew chapter 5, verse 9: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” A challenge I received from one of the guys I did the assertiveness session with was if I was being a Peacekeeper, or a Peacemaker.
Keeping the peace usually means that I am the one compromising. Making peace means I am working towards all parties feeling an issue is resolved. I was delighted he chose to share that comparison with me as it has given me pause to think ever since.
I don’t believe I am anywhere near finished working on my assertiveness, but I love the fact that while I am, I have a current example to share in my PLP sessions with the guys I work with.
Be blessed
